Screen Test

“Come on in darlin’ and have a seat,” Leo Coffman said smoothly, “now, what can I do for ya!?!” “Well, Mr. Coffman, I saw your ad in the paper, and I was just wondering if the position was still available?!?” “You mean the ad in the Underground Times,” he asked casually!?! “Uh, yes,” she replied softly, “is the job still available?!?” “Baby, the job’s always available,” he replied dryly, “I run that same ad everyday of the year!” “Really,” she replied incredulously, “you mean that you just give away jobs that pay three hundred dollars a day!?!” “Honey, this is Hollywood,” he said gently, “ain’t nobody gives nobody nothin’, you earn every penny, and don’t you ever forget it!” “Then how,” she mumbled, “I guess I don’t understand!” “Listen, kid,” he asked, “where’re ya from!?!” “Iowa,” she replied quickly! “And how old are ya,” he questioned her!?! “I just turned eighteen two months ago,” she replied proudly, “why, does it matter!?!” “Oh, yeah, baby,” he replied softly, “you bet your sweet little corn fed ass it matters, now why don’t you do yourself a big favor and go get on a bus and go home, this ain’t no place for a sweet kid like you!”

“But your ad said females eighteen and above to make $300 per day and up,” she whined, “and since I’m eighteen..” “Now look, baby,” he said evenly, “do you have any idea what we do here, I mean do ya know what you’d hafta do to earn those three C’s a day!?!” “I-it’s not illegal is it,” she asked warily, “I promised my mom I’d never break the law!?!” “No, it’s not illegal,” he shot back quickly, “but believe me, this isn’t the place for you, now scram outta here, okay!?!” There were a lot of things that Rachel McAndrews wasn’t, but unfortunately being stubborn was one them, so she crossed her arms and with a little gumption that even surprised Leo Coffman, she demanded, “Now Mr. Coffman, I don’t think that it’s fair that you won’t even consider me for this job, after all I’m a high school graduate and believe me, I really need this job!” Leo Coffman leaned back in his chair with his hands inner laced behind his head and said, “What’s your name darlin’!?!” “Rachel, Rachel McAndrews,” she responded! “Well, Rachel McAndrews, stand up and take off all of your clothes and let me check out your body!”

(…)
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